By Dave Mahoney
Steel Panther first came to the public attention with the single ‘Death To All But Metal’ in 2009. It’s still difficult to turn on Kerrang TV or Scuzz without coming across the track today, and it’s still difficult to understand why they bother playing it. Musically, it’s an outstanding modern example of glam metal, but at a rough estimate, 50% of the lyrics have been censored for the video version. Five years later, as third album All You Can Eat is unleashed, Steel Panther have not gained any lyrical subtlety. Neither have they lost any of their musical prowess.
A new musical direction is hinted at at the albums start, as Spanish guitars and flutes introduce opening track 'Pussywhipped'. It’s reminiscent of Metallica’s 'Nothing Else Matters'. It lasts all of a minute before we’re back to the spandex and spunk, vocalist Michael Starr bemoaning the loss of a friend to an overbearing love interest. ‘Party Like Tomorrow is the End Of The World’ follows. In that it’s a stonking example of a musical genre accompanied by massively dumb lyrics about puking and sex it’s not dissimilar to Katy Perry’s 'Last Friday Night', and as the least lyrically offensive track here, it’s no surprise it was chosen as first single.
There’s nothing else here that couldn’t be played on Kerrang without similar cuts to their breakthrough track. Among the more ‘touching’ lyrical works here, “There was so much spunk on your face, neither the boys nor I could see the tears” from ‘Bukkake Tears’, “It looks like a murder scene all over his dick” from 'She’s On The Rag'. The problem is you will need to watch where you find yourself singing these lines. Everything is so god damn catchy. Do not listen to this album last thing before leaving for work, as it’s unlikely your boss would appreciate you wondering out loud in song form whether it was Tommy Lee or Jessica Biel giving you a blowy through that hole in the wall.
It’s not just musically, remember, that Steel Panther are doing nothing new. 'B.V.S.' or Big Vagina Syndrome treads a similar path to pop-punk pioneers The Descendents 'No Fat Beaver' from over twenty years ago, and there’s nothing that the writers of South Park haven’t touched on a thousand times. All Steel Panther are doing is ripping the façade from glam and heavy metal, and presenting it for how it really is. Mötley Crüe, Guns N' Roses and their contemporaries may have sung beautiful love ballads, but read the wonderful Neil Strauss’ Crüe biography The Dirt and it becomes obvious that what Steel Panther are singing about it a much truer representation of how those bands lives were in the ‘80s.
It’s difficult to say whether this is an album to recommend or not. If you’re a fan of glam, and you’re not easily offended, you’ll love it. There’s not a duff track musically, 'The Burden Of Being Wonderful' is a massive string led power ballad that sounds particularly impressing. Lyrically some hit the funny bone more than others, but we’re all music fans here so that’s the most important thing. If you’re one of those people who’s glad spandex went out of style 30 years ago, or you think Frankie Boyle is the devil incarnate, please avoid All You Can Eat at every possible turn. If you did hear it, you might report it to the Daily Mail. Don’t try to ruin the fun for the rest of us.
