Desertfest: website | Buy tickets
By: Rich Collins
Desertfest is just around the corner, SHIT! Now in its fourth year this annual ensemble of the heaviest and trippiest riffs in existence has become a global force. People fly in from all over the planet to experience this ridiculous assault on the senses, so it’s no surprise weekend and Sunday tickets are already sold out. There’s a few for Friday and Saturday along with some for individual stages knocking about, so get in there quick: We can’t tell you how lucky we are to have a festival of this magnitude on this miserable island!
One of our riff-addicted morons Richard Collins has cast his eyes over the line-up to let us know all the bands you can’t fucking miss. We realise many will disagree with him, so feel free to leave him some abuse in the commenting section below.
Friday
ATOMIC BITCHWAX – Had a soft spot for these fellas since school. What started as an Ed Mundell side project has clung on to its existence like the last cockroach battling the end of the world. Every single album has been cracking, especially 2011’s ‘Local Fuzz’ which was one 42 minute track with over 50 riffs. Nothing too clever, just great fucking rock songs and a perfect segue from reality into 3 days of smash.
FLOOR – OOOOMPF!!! These legendary Florida doomers will provide a slab of the heaviest heavy in the known universe. So much so that the stage will collapse and the floor will open up into some kind of destructive whirlpool. We’ll all get sucked down to the middle of the earth and fuse with molten rock whilst furiously searching for our earplugs. Good way to go.
BLACK COBRA – I saw this two-piece at the first Desertfest in 2012 and my jaw hit the fucking floor. I was blown away on some kind of biblical level whilst my mate rolled around the floor at the back of the Underworld whiteying and trying to stay alive. Oh the memories.
NOOTHGRUSH – It just wouldn’t be Desertfest if you don’t go and watch one of the most pissed off bands ever. This legendary Californian sludge quartet will basically keep throwing horrible noises at us until we need counselling. Be there!
GALVANO – This heavy Swedish two-piece will be smashing out riff combos that will make you feel better about the world we live in. It’s not complicated, just some sludgy rock and roll that will make you scrunch up your face and bob your head like your life depended on it.
Saturday
SEX SWING – This rather weird and noisy act containing members of Part Chimp, Mugstar and Dethscalator played their first gig last summer but seem to be everywhere now – with good reason too – as the two tracks they’ve made public are innovative as hell. Bass, drums, organ, sax and maxed-out vocals combine to make a repetitive and experimental carnival that will make us hypnotically gurn our hangovers into oblivion.
PALE HORSE – Good God these guys are brutal! Two bass players, no guitars and a screaming singer who is NOT FUCKING HAPPY. This pissed off institution will build us up, knock us down and demonstrate why they are one of the most respected underground acts in the country.
SLY & THE FAMILY DRONE – Where to begin? Probably the most fun band on the line up, you could take your Mum and your Nan into the Underworld to watch this experimental 4 piece and they’d be cracking smiles throughout the entire performance. A hugely energetic Matt Cargill will strip to his pants and climb across every platform of the venue to encourage every person in the crowd to join the band and contribute to the noises they are making. Their sound has really developed to something that suits Desertfest over the last few years, I have no idea how they do it, I’m not even sure they do.
SHIT AND SHINE – You never know what you’re going to get with these terrifying mentalists, apart from the fact it will be terrifying and mental. Who wouldn’t want to experience that?
ANTHROPROPHH – Paul Allen from the Heads and the two chaps in Big Naturals making a right old racket. This pulsating kraut explosion will conquer your brain and convert it to a right old psychedelic mess, there’s no going back!
BONG – The only band I ever missed at Desertfest due to the venue being too rammed was Bong back in 2013. This time I’m going to turn up at least 8 hours early as there is no way in God’s fuck I’m missing this legendary doom drone force from the North. I can’t describe in words what’s so magical about this band and seeing them at the Underworld at an event of this scale might actually make me cry.
BAD GUYS – This unique rock and roll experience are one of the best live acts on the planet. All kinds of fucking riffs going on and someone who resembles your mate’s dad on vocals ranting about the various weird things that pop in and out of his booze-filled brain. If you watch them, you’ll remember it forever… so be there!
Sunday
ACID KING – One of the most legendary doom bands ever. Absolutely top notch riffs and a shit ton of magic, Koko will be absolutely fucking pumping!
UFOMAMMUT – I think this Italian 3-piece are one of the most innovative bands on the planet. They have just released ‘Ecate’, one of the most incredible albums I have ever heard and live, they really fucking deliver. They have the ability to create a whole new world, they’ll not only take you there but will give you the grand fucking tour. In this world truly anything can happen, I can’t FUCKING WAIT!
SLEEP – They announced Sleep last summer and ever since then it was always going to sell-out. The last time they played London at Ally Pally back in 2012, they delivered a revolutionary performance which people still enthusiastically chat about like it was yesterday. It seems like Desertfest have booked Koko so every ticket holder can be there, I can’t even comprehend just how special this is going to be. The ultimate fucking band, SLEEP!
Then go home for some well-deserved…. Ermmm… sleep!
