Slow Mover

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Out now as 'name your price' download through Bandcamp

There's a zombie apocalypse version of the classic old skool Wild West pioneer survival strategy game Oregon Trail called Organ Trail. It's basically Walking Dead meets The Road. Now imagine that grimmer version of the game directed by someone with a great sense of humour like James Gunn. Well this album is boom! The perfect soundtrack. Why? Well let's fucking study it.

I kinda hate it when bands say what they sound like because I then feel lazy when I say the same ones but this band do hit the nail on the head. Slow Mover sound like Torche with less dreamy brown sludge replaced with slam dunk dropped d fuzz of Red Fang. Like Queen on speed without being apartheid breaking scum. Motörhead without Lemmy or any other member and sounding nothing like them.


Their new album Move Slower was recorded at Labyrinth Audio in Billerica, MA by Keith Gentile of Vygr. The dudes hail from Boston and tour regularly apparently. You can hear the time done on the road as the standard is elite and spunklicious. This album is one word. Fun. It's also 7 songs and around 30 mins long. It's crunchy, riff daft and I imagine would sound amazing live and great with 20 cans of Stella in you.

'Bomb Shelter Eviction' is a fine start to the amp drama. Going mental at bits it sets the mood nicely, like candles n shit. 'I Am (Also) A Dog' is a short fast and good song, like a mental dangerwank. 'Crane Collapse' has riffs all over the place. It's like a stonery suicidal tendencies when they were good. The songs about a crane collapsing. 'SFCA' is an unrelentless fuzz behemoth about witnessing a huge Tory paedo slugbeast (David Cameron) eating used nappies. 'Chainsaw Crew' is an appallingly brilliant love song about how great Soundcloud is. 'Spirit Monster', the best song in my opinion, is a fine heartless sex assault on your sex senses in 80s NYC. Like a French prostitute with 6 big tits that pays you for sex, it's great.

Your probably scratching your fucking head wondering what the fuck I'm going on about, if you're still reading this and not listening to Slow Mover I demand you to give up on listening to music because you are a cunt. If you have no access to it then how are you reading this?

Slow Mover are a really sexy sounding heavy band. The covers got a big fucking demon eating some cunt while the demon has a bath in radioactive slime. A guy on a motorbike watches on and in the distance is a freeway. It's gallus. The ever magnificent James Plotkin masters and I highly recommend you give it a good chance. That's about it. Bye. Oh, it's not a concept album, made that up.

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