By Matthew P. Dingwall
That could come across as quite a dramatic statement but looking back it it's true, I'm not a fanatical fan of his music by any means, I own his releases and have seen him live, shared the odd pleasantry on twitter, that's about it. It was in September 2011, I had reached rock bottom, I had tickets for a show I had no idea what about called "The Revival Tour", all I knew was Brian Fallon from The Gaslight Anthem was headlining it, or so I though at the time. I had tickets for which I was going with my brother and his other half but for reasons my mind can't recall now they pulled out, I know I blamed myself at the time, no evidence for such a response but with serious depression and social anxiety issues in these situations blaming myself was my go to move. So I did the ultra cool thing of taking the parents as it seemed better than going on my own...
Now already feeling low and down I had to put up with them not having any faith in my ability to drive the short distance so instead we had to get the train and stay over in Bristol. I was at rock bottom, I could see the end and no real way of getting back. I had decided that the show that night would be my last. Then something changed, I walked into the venue as I've done countless times before but this time it wasn't right, looking upon the stage instead of the one microphone I expected, it was a night billed with four singer songwriters, there were four. Having done more gigs than I can count I'd never come across a singer songwriter, in this case the opening act Dave Hause needing four mic's. But as the houselights went down it became clear, the tour arranged by Chuck Ragan flipped normality, turned it sideways and did what they wanted, for nearly three hours the four musicians (six if you include Chucks band) played together, joined others for collaborations, but most importantly started the night as equals and ended the same way. On paper there was a clear hierarchy with Brian Fallon headlining the night and Dave Hause (unknown on these shores) as the clear opener.
Then from rock bottom I felt a lift, that I had been living with the concept that a hierarchy system was the only way the world worked and I would never reach the levels I felt I deserved, but on this night the music brought the idea that it's just about having fun, supporting each other and most importantly no matter how important someone is or just thinks they are everyone is an equal and if we all treat others as such then things aren't so dark. If I hadn't attended that show put on by Chuck Ragan would I be here now? Honestly I don't think I would, for me that night was the start of a new me, a version that was more at peace with things.
Looking back over the years since that awakening moment I have noticed that subconsciously my mind has been switched on into the world of music therapy long before, with the concept that music can be used to control emotions and be a driving force behind feelings. It's not something I'd ever thought about as a treatment for my issues but over the last few years I've come to know its power. For instance no matter what mood I find myself in if a band like Madness or Reel Big Fish come on my iPod then I can't not smile, tap my foot, music is infectious and I've learned that it can bring me back from the brink of despair. On the flip side, a band like Radiohead if I'm in a down mood can have the power to make me want to crawl in a corner and die, the power and dark emotion can be too overpowering.
To this day, I still get comments about passing up on the opportunity to see Radiohead live in favour of AFI and Lost Prophets. At the time I couldn't work out why my mind was telling me to avoid Radiohead, I remember that night and Lost Prophets finished and Radiohead still had twenty minutes left, but rather than watch the rest of the set I found my body walking me away. Looking back I think on a subconscious level I think my mind knew I was feeling on the verge of a crash so took the step it knew would lead to my continued survival. The end result was that I left with a smile on my face and that is what's important.
These days the music I listen to is entirely based on how I'm feeling, I found myself listening to a lot of punk music when I was experiencing issues and conflicts at work, when I'm chilled and relaxed I tend to find myself listening to bands like The Gaslight Anthem or Pearl Jam. It's an odd thought that music has such power but it is all around us, a well placed piece of music can turn a meaning completely on its head. Like in films, imagine the iconic reveal in Star Wars of Darth Vadar telling Luke "I am your father" being played out with a pop song like Roar by Katy Perry in the background, it just wouldn't work. The drama and intense music changes the mood in films and television so why shouldn't it work just the same for people's mental health in the real world?
Music is poetry for the soul... to me it's as simple as that, it shouldn’t just be dismissed as background noise.
