Last month Edinburgh based doom/sludge band Ultimate Slaymaster released their debut album (see review here). Metal Editor Sander wanted to find out more behind the album and the band and asked BASTARD JANGLE-AXE and CORNFED HAMMERGLAND a couple of questions.
(((o))): Not everyone who reads our website knows of Ultimate Slaymaster. Can you tell a brief history of Ultimate Slaymaster, who’s in the band etc?
ULTIMATE SLAYMASTER IS THE EMBODIMENT OF FEAR IN TAKEN SHAPE IN YOUR MORTAL REALM. WE EXIST ON THIS EARTHLY PLAIN AT TIMES WHEN THE SONIC GODS MUST BE APPEASED WITH THE BLOOD OF MEN. OUR NUMBER CONSISTS OF BASTARD JANGLE-AXE, HEIR TO THE SEVEN THRONES AND EVANGELIST FOR SAVAGE COMBAT, CRYING OUT OBSCENITIES AND PLAYING THEE 'BASS GUITAR' ALONGSIDE HIS FELLOW COMRADE CORNFED HAMMERGLAND THE FIST OF THE NORTH ON THE WAR DRUMS.
OUR MUSIC TELLS THE TALE FROM OUR OWN TIME WHERE YOUR MORTAL COUNTERPARTS ARE UNDER CONSTANT FEAR OF ATTACK FROM THE WINGED DEATH AND THE OCEANMASTERS. THEIR ONLY HOPE OF SURVIVAL HAS BEEN TO SEEK REFUGE IN OUR LANDS AND PAY FEALTY TO OUR BRAVEST WARRIORS FOR PROTECTION FROM THESE OTHERWORLDLY DANGERS.
THAT IS THE STORY OF OUR PEOPLE.
(((o))): Why is all your communication done in capitals?
OUR COMMUNICATIONS TO YOUR MORTAL REALM, WHEN WE ARE NOT ABLE TO BE PHYSICALLY PRESENT THERE OURSELVES, ARE HOWLED INTO A SWIRLING VOID. THEY THEN MANIFEST THEMSELVES IN YOUR REALM IN THE ENTRAILS OF DEAD ANIMALS AND THE RANTINGS OF MADMEN. THEY ARE THEN DECIPHERED BY SOOTHSAYERS WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS, AND CONVEYED AS FAITHFULLY AS POSSIBLE TO THE ORIGINAL MESSAGE. IT IS TRUE THAT SLAYMASTERS HAVE LOUD, AGGRESSIVE VOICES. THIS IS A RESULT OF OUR HAVING TO BE HEARD OVER THE SOUND OF A RAUCOUS MEAD HALL, OR OVER THE SCREAMS OF THE DYING.
(((o))): How would you describe the music you make?
THE INTENT OF OUR MUSIC IS TWO-FOLD. IT AIMS TO TERRIFY THE WEAK INTO SUBMISSION, BUT ALSO TO HEARTEN THE BRAVE AND ENCOURAGE THEM TO TAKE UP ARMS AND RELISH THE JOY OF BATTLE. IN SHORT, TERRIFYING YET STIRRING.
(((o))): You just released your debut album. How was the recording process? Was it an easy process?
THERE IS AN OLD SAYING AMONG THE SLAYMASTERS THAT THE BEST SWORD YOU WILL EVER WIELD IS THE ONE YOU MINED THE IRON FOR YOURSELF. AS SUCH, WE HONED OUR SONIC BLADE WITH OUR OWN HANDS, ESCHEWING UNNECCESSARY TECHNOLOGY AND INTERFERENCE. WE DID, HOWEVER, SEEK COUNSEL WITH OUR MOST TRUSTED ALLIES IN FORMING A BATTLE-CHOIR FOR SEVERAL OF THE PIECES, AND ALSO SUMMONED THE UNHOLY SHREDMAGE OBLITERON SHREDDERDACTYL ON “BATTERY OF MANMADE SUNS”, AFTER WHICH WE KILLED AND ATE HIM. ADDITIONALLY, WE ENTRUSTED THE FINAL POLISHING OF THIS BLADE TO DESOLATEM, THE SKYFISTER (MAY HIS ENEMIES TREMBLE AT HIS APPROACH).
(((o))): Where do you get your inspiration?
WE FIND INSPIRATION IN MANY PLACES. THE ANCIENT LORE OF OUR PEOPLE, THE FEELING OF STICKING A SWORD THROUGH A MAN WHILE LOOKING HIM DIRECTLY IN THE EYE, THAT SORT OF THING.
(((o))): Who writes your songs?
OUR SONGS ARE NOT SO MUCH ‘WRITTEN’ AS THEY ARE ‘SUMMONED’. BASTARD JANGLE-AXE CAN OFTEN BE HEARD SHOUTING MELODIES TO HIMSELF AS HE SLICES THROUGH WAVE AFTER WAVE OF OPPONENTS ON THE BATTLEFIELD. LATER, AFTER A SPECIAL RITUAL INVOLVING MEAD, SEMI-NUDITY AND THE STILL-BEATING HEART OF AN EAGLE, THE BATTLE-HYMNS EMERGE FULLY FORMED.
(((o))): Who are your musical heroes?
OUR HEROES ARE MADE OF FLESH, NOT MUSIC.
(((o))): Do you have any heroes, which aren’t musical ones?
CERTAINLY. AS A YOUNG PUP, I LOOKED UP TO MY FATHER HORNFED HAMMERGLAND. HOWEVER, WHEN HE OSTRACIZED ME FOR EATING SEVERAL OF MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS, I CAME TO REALIZE THAT THE ONLY REAL HERO IS THAT WHICH YOU ASPIRE TO BE.
(((o))): You seem to have an eagle theme going through your music. Why eagles?
THE EAGLES ARE AMONG FEW CREATURES A SLAYMASTER EVEN BOTHERS TO ACKNOWLEDGE. TO HUNT A GREAT EAGLE IS EXCELLENT SPORT FOR A STRAPPING YOUNG SLAYMASTER. THOUGH THEY ARE FEARSOME AND HEARTLESS CREATURES, THE SLAYMASTERS HAVE EVER RESPECTED THEIR PROWESS IN BATTLE. IF YOU ARE REFERRING TO ‘TEMPLE OF EAGLES’ IN PARTICULAR, THAT IS A FAVOURITE LEGEND OF THE SLAYMASTERS, CONCERNING ONE INDIVIDUAL’S REVENGE AGAINST THE EYRIE THAT SLEW SO MANY OF HIS COMRADES. THE SITE OF THE INCIDENT EVENTUALLY BECAME A HAVEN FOR A MYSTERIOUS BAND OF DISSIDENT PRIESTS, BUT I WILL TALK NO MORE OF THEM HERE.
(((o))): Who are the oceanmasters? Why should we fear them?
A MALIGN AND WICKED RACE OF OCEAN-DWELLERS, WITH DOMINION OVER THE DENIZENS OF THE DEEP. YOU SHOULD FEAR THEM BECAUSE THEY WOULD NOT THINK TWICE ABOUT SETTING THEIR SHARKS TO TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB, AND THEN FEEDING THE REST OF YOU TO A SEETHING PIT OF EELS. FOR A SLAYMASTER, THEY PRESENT ONE OF THE GREATEST CHALLENGES IN COMBAT, NOT LEAST BECAUSE WE MUST HOLD OUR BREATH FOR HOURS AT A TIME WHILE FIGHTING THEM. I (CORNFED HAMMERGLAND) PROUDLY WEAR THE CROWN OF AN OCEANMASTER LORD I KILLED WITH MY BARE HANDS. HE HAD CHALLENGED ME AFTER I PUNCHED A FAVOURITE SHARK OF HIS.
(((o))): Who is Krimm, the Warrior?
AH HA! KRIMM IS THE SEXUAL CRUSADER KNOWN BY ALL IN THE NORTH FOR HIS INSATIABLE BLOODLUST AND WILLINGNESS TO PLEASURE THOSE AROUND HIM.
(((o))): What would you think of the Edinburgh music scene?
THE MEAD IS SUITABLY FLAT AND CLOUDY, AND THERE ARE MANY WILLING BARDS AND WARRIORS IN THIS CITY’S MANY DENS OF INIQUITY. THE FACT THAT SOME OF THE DINGIER VENUES ARE BUILT IN PLAGUE-RIDDEN VAULTS IS ALSO PLEASING TO US.
(((o))): Do you play any roleplaying games, and if so, which ones should we play?
WHY MOVE SMALL CARDS AND PIECES OF PLASTIC AROUND TO REPRESENT BATTLE WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE REAL THING? HOWEVER, GIVEN THAT MANY MORTALS ARE TOO COWARDLY OR WEAK TO PARTICIPATE IN REAL BATTLE, THEY SHOULD PLAY AS MANY AS POSSIBLE.
(((o))): Sword or axe?
YES.
(((o))): You have some awesome artwork on your album. Can you tell me more about that? Who made it, and can we expect some Ultimate Slaymaster t-shirts soon with more amazing artwork?
THE DARK PATRIACH RUTHERFORD WIZARDFISTS FROM THE WESTER REALMS, LANDS ACROSS THE WATER, HAS ADORNED OUR PHYSICAL SPOILS WITH HIS DARK ARTS. I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT IT IS AN ACCURATE DEPICTION OF THE PERSECUTION OF THE MEN OF THE SOUTH. YOU MAY FIND HIS DWELLING BY HIRING THE SERVICES OF A SEER AND CHANTING THE INCANTATION WWW.WEIRDBEARD.CO.NZ INTO HIS MOUSE. CURRENTLY WE HAVE NOT CREATED ‘T-SHIRTS’ AS WE PREFER OUR AUDIENCES TO WEAR FULL ARMOUR. HOWEVER, WE SHALL SEE.
(((o))): Lastly, what should we expect from Ultimate Slaymaster this year?
DEATH AND GLORY. EXPECT MANY MORE SCENES OF CARNAGE IN THE LIVE VENUES OF SCOTLAND. FURTHERMORE, WE ARE ALREADY HILT-DEEP IN A NEW, EVEN MORE INTENSE SET OF BATTLE HYMNS. MAKE YOUR PEACE MORTALS, THE SLAYMASTER ONSLAUGHT HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN.
GOOD JOURNEY.
(((o))): Thank you very much.
Credits: Photos by John. Videos by Bruce Cowie and Lesley MakesNoise.
