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By: Big Dick Collins
Dwarves are he best band ever, nothing but hits since 1983!! This week they surprised us all with a new album entitled The Dwarves Invented Rock & Roll. Singer Blag Dahlia took a break from getting high to chat with Big Dick Collins.
(((o))): Where the hell did The Dwarves Invented Rock & Roll come from? You totally sprung that on us.
Blag: Folks seem to forget for a while that we were the inventors of this thing called ‘rock’. It became necessary to remind punks who actually created the wheel. Next year we plan to invent soul, funk and for you English blokes…reggae!
(((o))): You came clean, you died, you were born again… and now you’re reminding us you invented rock & roll. Why did you feel this was the next chapter in the rich tapestry of the Dwarves?
Blag: We are the alpha, the omega, all that is or shall ever be. So we’ve got that going for us…
(((o))): It’s catchy as fuck rammed full of entertaining hooks, how the fuck do you keep doing it?
Blag: This time around it was a real group effort. Great songs by me and HeWhoCan NotBeNamed coupled with songs from Fresh Prince of Darkness, Chip Fracture, Rex Everything, Saltpeter and Black Josh Freese. It’s even better because everyone still thinks I wrote everything!
(((o))): Are there any special guests on the album?
Blag: Dexter Holland from the Offspring came by, Nick Oliveri is a lifetime Dwarf, producer engineer guy Andy Now did a lot of singing on here and Brant Bjork watched us do drugs and fall down a lot.
(((o))): How many people have been in the Dwarves? It must be like a kabillion now.
Blag: On top of the funny names above there has been Julius Seizure, Pete Vietnam, Crash Landon, Gregory Pecker, Dutch Ovens, Clint Torres, and the list goes on. People love being in this band so much that they have actually killed themselves so they could come back as Dwarves again!
(((o))): You’ve been going over 30 years, can you fucking believe it?
Blag: No! But last year one of us got an erection again and celebrated by doing coke for a week. Eventually, it went away. Look, only one band gets better with time, and it’s not the Eagles. The fucking Dwarves are the still the best band ever!
(((o))): Do you ever get moments of clarity when writing and performing songs about fucking, drugs and fucking on drugs and think… WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING?
Blag: Yes, but I get electroshock therapy and those feelings go away. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. And we will. Forever.
(((o))): Dwarves show are bat shit mental, what’s the most jaw dropping thing that’s happened whilst your on stage?
Blag: I was amazed when we broke our attendance record of 17 punters in Sheffield.
(((o))): What is the best band you have ever shared the stage with?
Blag: There have been so many greats, I couldn’t pick a favorite. I was thrilled to play with the Cramps, that’s for sure though.
(((o))): Name 3 bands the Dwarves think fucking rock.
Blag: Ciara, Li’l Debbie, Meghan Trainor.
(((o))): If the Dwarves were an animal, what would it be?
Blag: A three-toed sloth.
(((o))): What’s next for the Dwarves?
Blag: We are going to tour the USA and the whole goddamn world to promote The Dwarves Invented Rock & Roll LP. Look for us in Europe a lot in 2015. More dirty pictures, more plagiarized videos, more lyrics that rhyme with ‘fuck’- in short, more of everything you love from the greatest rock and roll band of all time- the DWARVES!
